Im in the jungle...fuck it no.....I'm in the middle of an ocean and I'm swimming with SHARKS...I'm in LAS GIDI BABY!!!....7months counting....someone send me a fucking badge mate. Infact I've caught on the lingo. I've started saying MINERALS, RECHARGE CARD, YOU'RE FALLING MY HAND o and PPPPPAAAAAARRRRRRKKKKKKK JO!!! lol
So I gone and done it. Packed up all me worldly goods and crossed the Atlantic....Let me tell you something mate the Queen aint got NOTHING on me. God bless cheap labour....eh eh eh!!!! Abeg abeg we all got to eat o. Dont blame me, blame your fucking GOVERNMENT!!!. and YES!!!! YOURS not mine. I am for Queen and Country.
ALL Nigerians (Yes I'm generalising) believe in 3 THINGS (GOD and money fight for the top spot, then Marriage). Wedding every weekend biko!!! How many people are in this Lagos sef!
So experience so far.....fucking ACE!!!. I've also learnt that Nigerians are LUNATICS as in EVERYBODY, which is perfect for me cuz I'm certainly not all there O_o LOL....
PLACE YOURSELF BITCHES!!!
GOVERNMENT KIDS: bunch of fucking babies LOL...no concept of anything...their major problem is so INSIGNIFICANT it's LAUGHABLE all they know it Champagne this , Louis Vuitton that, Dubai this, Range Rover that.... *sick with envy* LOL.
Your father is starving other people's children (a lil thanks tho cuz that's why I have Blessing, Kunle and Iya deji) so you can run around throwing money about, ending up on bella naija, city people etc.....hisss!!!! Yes!!! I said it, Fuck you!!! share the murrafucking contracts....LOL!!!! Most of you live on the Island....the next one of these kids to say to me I dont come on the mainland....DONT WORRY!!!. I'll send REAL MAINLAND GOONS to make you an offer.
Even me sef I dont want to come to the Island....We have SHOPRITE now!!! hahaha lol
JUST PLAIN FUCKING RICH KIDS: eh eh Let's just thank God that no one is after your life so they can take your father's position. but you do have to WATCH OUT for em Kidnappers if you are going to be a MEDIA WHORE like our dear Kimmy K and hanging out with em Govt Kids. They'll put you in TROUBLE o!!! LOL
POOR KIDS: TRULY a sad story!!! especially the lil ones selling stuff like cotton buds or plantain crisps!!! really how many COTTON BUDS can someone buy??? O_o. Personally the way i'm going I fit even open cotton bud shop sef!.
Also the ones begging for money. but some of those children are DOWN RIGHT OUT OF ORDER. I gave one of em 1k one day and the lil 'mare didnt even say thanks...just ran off....bet the HEIFER was thinking YAY!!! done my WEEKLY QUOTA hissss. N20 from now on.
WORKING IN LAGOS: Honestly it's the GRACE of God that anything gets done. I'm even surprised businesses are actually profitable....Internet access is at a SNAIL's pace, No official office phone, most of the time you use your own credit to blady do office work. By GOD if I hear the word "QUERRY" again LOL!!! As in....they dont even pay you enough to give a RAT's arse.
MEN IN LAGOS: Married, Engaged, In the closet, Unserious. It's funny before I relocated, on my usual dec holidays...see BARE MEN!!! my friend used to say there are no men in Lagos....After 7months I can tell you the GOSPEL truth....there are PLENTY MEN o....but I dont know where they are lol and when I find out....POT OF GOLD!!!. I'm not greedy o! I will give some out LOL!!!
As in you people should not push someone o. It has even come to a stage I'm checking out those RIBBED SHIRT-LESS workmen on the road....some of them are BUFF O, forget levels LOL!!! Me that I like KUNTA-KINTE looking men
WOMEN IN LAGOS: The ones that make me laugh the most are this blady locally educated women...dont get me wrong there nuthing wrong with schooling in Nigeria o but when you start to PRETEND and FAKE it. You're opening yourself up for insults....Also all you gold-digging women sleeping around for money....YOU'RE FALLING MY HAND o!!!. You are spoiling market for the good ones....ki lo de!!! It's not by force to carry designer bag or enter plane. AND WE KNOW YOU O!!!!!! WE KNOW hisssssss
OKADA/DANFO: GET EM OFF OUR STREETS!!! I WILL MURDER SOMEONE O!!!
RANT OVER!!! Take it easy lovies. Follow me @afrosamurai411
